Don't Be Afraid

As a parent of a child labeled "on the spectrum", it can be challenging to remain positive.  We are faced with a mountain of information and options intended to help us, but also what seems to be a lack of support in many cases as well.  Where I live, our school system has just one person trained to work with kids with autism in the schools, while hundreds of kids need this support.  We have no one here trained to deliver social thinking programs, as recommended by Michelle Garcia Winner, which I think could be a huge help. We are left to find options on our own, like the Mendability program that I've recently signed up to try.  We see gradual increase in support, but we are also told by our government that change will be slow - likely will take the next 5 to 20 years to get to where we need - which basically means our kids will be adults before we see things like described in this 60 page report, called "Choice, Equality and Good Lives in Inclusive Communities - A Roadmap for Transforming the Nova Scotia Services to Persons with Disabilities Program": 

It can be VERY overwhelming.

Still, there is something that entered my world that gives me a great deal of hope for our future.  I was recently asked to write 300 words or less about this, and so I thought it fitting to write a blog post to share.

I love Scotsburn because it’s a place that teaches people the best language.  As many people do, I moved away from Pictou County to begin my career.  As my husband and I began to raise our children, we encountered challenging behaviours (now diagnosed as Autistic Spectrum Disorders) and felt a very strong need for more support, so we moved back to where our families live.  I’d say Scotsburn gave us much more than I ever even knew we needed.  You see, several Scotsburn parents and teachers have been introduced to The Virtues Project™, and they focus on teaching “the language of virtues” daily.  We all have hundreds of virtues that simply need to be awakened during teachable moments.  As my children did typical pre-school activities, the teacher taught told that they are all capable of COLLABORATION, CREATIVITY, RESPECT and more!  When my son cried or raged because he couldn’t cope with a particular sensory experience, the children were taught about COMPASSION and TOLERANCE.  Children learn about SERVICE and RESPONSIBILITY, in 4-H, the fire department’s youth group or Scotsburn Recreation programs.  FAITH and UNITY are further strengthened, as we see the churches working together.  Perhaps my favourite is how Scotsburn teaches GRACE and FORGIVENESS, as can be observed in people like Scott Jones, raised in Scotsburn, who go into the world and focus on sharing their virtues, even after going through some of the worst possible life experiences.  Scotsburn’s language gives me HOPE for a better future for all of us.    

You can learn more about Scott Jones here:  https://www.facebook.com/dontbeafraidcampaign  Please consider joining his campaign.  Don't Be Afraid.  Instead, choose to focus on the virtues in ALL people, and together we can all enjoy a better world together.

Initiation

If you're a parent, perhaps you've heard this...  "I hate <subject X>.  Why should I do that?!"  If you're anything like me, you've struggled to give a good answer at times, too.  I have asked myself countless times... How do I give my kids a good reason for why they should learn about English fiction or Geometry?  Why should a kid need to learn ALL the subjects they teach in school?  Yes, intuitively as a parent I know that education is important, but I just haven't been able to put a good explanation into words my kids will regularly accept.

This week I'm back to reading a book that I've picked up and put down many times in recent months, called "Inside Out:  What Makes a Person with Social-Cognitive Deficits Tick?", by Michelle Garcia Winner.  I find it a tough read, because it gives lots of ideas that seem like they could be helpful at times, but just usually don't seem immediately applicable to situations we are experiencing.  I tend to read it for a while, think that some piece of info might be useful someday, even write down a few things, and then put the book away again for weeks.  Tonight though, I think a "light bulb" may have come on, so now I feel interested in the book much more.

First, this book starts by answering that question... "Why Care?"  Well, simply put, if we want our children to become independent adults, they need to become "social thinkers".  They need to learn to make friends, which they cannot do unless they learn to be more like other people...  and, to learn to be more like other people, we need to learn about what people did in the past (History), what they are doing now (Social Studies), and what they could do in the future (Science), and of course there are good reasons for other subjects as well...  all related to learning about why people have done, are doing, or will do things.  Studying various subjects helps us to be social thinkers, which is key to becoming high functioning, independent adults.

Now, one of the challenges we see a lot with our kids is that they do not ask for help when they are unsure what to do.  This is not uncommon.  Most kids go through this somehow.  One will hide behind me when wanting to meet someone new, one will cry when confused about how to do a particular piece of work, and one just won't go see a teacher to get more instruction when unsure how to do something that was taught.  As I was reading this book this week though, I learned there are actually therapy procedures that can be used to teach kids how to ask for help.  Great!  Some strategies perhaps are easily learned...  As an example, in an emergency, call 911.  In other cases though, when a kid is "shy" or in other words not feeling comfortable raising a hand in the classroom, when calling 911 is not the right choice, it becomes critical that we find other strategies to ask for help, or we may witness what we've seen - crying melt downs when the frustration becomes too much.

Tonight, I talked to one of my boys about this.  I asked him if he knew what to do when he wants help at school.  We had a good laugh about calling 911 ;-)  We talked about how if we don't learn to ask for help, we might be left without it when we really need it.  Sometimes, we might even feel very lonely, because we don't know how to ask for help.  This made him cry, telling me that I'd finally hit on something...  My boy needs a strategy to ask for help at school, and raising his hand is just not something he's comfortable with right now in some situations.  Together, we came up with a strategy, built on a past one he had actually used in past to express his "feelings", but adapted such that he will indicate yellow when he wants a little help or red when he REALLY needs help because he's getting really upset.

(Please get the book if you want to see "full" list, as the author deserves the credit.)

Looking forward to feedback about this tomorrow!