Too often, I find myself writing things that I seem unable to say "in the moment" of a conversation, or reflecting after time has passed that I wish thoughts I was having then had arose in the previous moments, in a way that led me to be more positively responsive. How fitting that Kafka describes the result of such a situation as "deepest darkness"... It can be very frustrating to be a person who cannot respond "in the moment" as one desires, to be someone who needs time to process and reflect before being able to respond to other people who are trying to have a conversation, especially when you want to be helpful when someone like your kid, a family member or a friend is seeking your advice or guidance. With that in mind, I tend to prefer "conversation" in writing. Typically, I find that my "present" thoughts in a situation are pretty negative, and so I either keep quiet (which tends to be lead to comments in my direction indicating I'm too quiet) or I end up saying things I regret later (because I end up saying something negative).
It would be wonderful to be more like the people I admire, who seem to be able to speak positively in the present moments so easily! You know who you are - please help me!
If you are reading this, chances are you are a fan of Facebook or other social media, as I have become. Perhaps you spend time daily, reading what other people are writing, and engaging in "conversation" with people by responding to various posts. With this in mind then, I wonder, have you also sat in a room with people expressing strong opinions that social media is a negative force in our world now? "I don't do Facebook. It causes too much trouble." - I have heard these well meaning people often say. If so, how do you tend to respond? I tend to have what a teacher friend recently described as "uncomfortable thoughts" when in that situation.
I don't know about you, but I tend to keep quiet as a result of those thoughts. I figure that the folks who are saying this are not really interested in hearing counter opinions on the subject, or if they are then I guess I lack the confidence to express my opinion in a way I think would be compelling. More and more, there seems to be research indicating that anxiety levels in society are growing, and many seem to think this is because of use of social media. I wish to offer a counter thought here though...
When I am feeling particular anxious, I often turn to social media, and typically after I do that I find myself feeling better. I think my life has been greatly enriched by my interactions in social media, as I have learned there are many people who have thoughts similar to my own, and so I am left feeling less anxious as I feel less alone. It's not possible for me to go out and meet someone face-to-face all the time, and I'm not good at such conversation anyway, so I consider social media a great alterative to that. Sometimes, yes, I have also thought of it as an addiction, as the negative media would suggest, but then there are other times when I think, wow, without social media I would never have known that great person I've been interacting with! Oh, and guess what?! People have been feeling similar to me long before social media was popular... people like Kafka. Anxiety is not a new phenomenon caused by social media - I think it's just more understood and visible now that many experience anxiety, because now more of us are talking about it.
Please don't misunderstand me... I don't think we should be on social media night and day... that is for sure unhealthy, but honestly I feel a bit sorry for folks who swear it off completely. I think they are missing out on observing and engaging with the real human heart that we all share. The collaboration that happens via social media can be very positive and powerful!
As for the fact that my thoughts tend to me more negative "in the moment"... I'm working on changing that, and that happened long before social media was in my life. I know that I used to be a VERY positive person - so much so that I was described as "shiny happy" and people wondered why I smiled so much... Then life happened, and it got hard to keep the smile.... I've prayed to God repeatedly about this, and I find there is a consistent theme in the information that is coming to me in these days, both via social media and via other avenues, helping me to I think get back some of my "old self" again, slowly but I hope surely.
Today, I especially enjoyed this video: "Oprah Winfrey talks with Thich Nhat Hanh Excerpt - Powerful" https://youtu.be/NJ9UtuWfs3U. Truly folks, I think we're all similar! As the mantra states, "I suffer. I am trying my best to practice. Please help me." If you observe me saying negative thoughts, please do know that I'm working hard to try to change my behaviour through various "practices", and know it's not my desire to send those thoughts in your direction! Many of you have been supporting me in this, and for this I have deepest "gratitude" (not "darkness").
Tonight, I finished reading "The Beautiful Mystery", by Louise Penny. This book also drives home the message that as humans we are all caught between our positive and negative thoughts. With practice, we can focus on the positive more often, and "practice makes perfect", so I hear!
Share how you keep positive, especially during face-to-face conversation. I'm interested in more ways to "practice" doing that!
The "present moments" are getting easier to manage every day. Looking forward to heading "back to work" on November 13th!
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