She's a Maniac

I woke at 3 am today.  Now it's 6 am and (sigh) I have not slept since and the song in my head is "Maniac" by Michael Sembello: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVnqHciXB7Y

We all must laugh at ourselves sometimes, though this is not a laughing matter for some experiencing this!

The team I lead is rather aware, as they've received some work-related responses to their email in the last few hours, and they have replied to me with some expression of concern to say "Hey, you should be sleeping!"  You see, they have seen this before.  It's a sign I'm in a "manic" state (though they may not have that label in their mind).  It's a sign I am thankful I am able to be aware I'm in and able to take a step back from.  I recognize in this moment that I need to pause my work and make myself relax.. and writing this helps with that.

Being in a manic state is something that can be part of having a mental disorder.  In my case, as mentioned before, some have labelled my condition as part of some form of Autistic Spectrum Disorder (maybe Asperger's Syndrome).  This state for me seems to be triggered when I have been working on a problem and suddenly I recognize a solution, but that solution will take time to implement and my mind is "full" of ideas to implement the solution.  I get in a state where I have paper at my bedside and I suddenly find myself jotting notes, and I cannot sleep until the thoughts are written down.  This means that in some ways it's a "good" state, but on the flip side you would also recognize I've stopped sleeping and so it's "bad".  To try to get out of the state, I try to distract myself by doing other things, like responding to unrelated email at work.

I take comfort in knowing there are many famous people in this world who have experienced episodes.  Google "famous people with manic episodes" to see what I mean...  I've lost the reference now, but I recall reading once that Einstein kept paper at his bedside for this reason.  My "ideas" are nowhere near as bright as his, but they will help solve some issues at work.  Maybe you've seen the episode of "Big Bang Theory" where Sheldon stands at a white board for days, writing ideas and trying to solve a problem?  Much like that...

Some people manage this state of mind through use of medication.  I've considered this, but in my case I find the "episodes" are harmless and generally short-lived, as long as I or someone else notices me in the state.  Some people "self-medicate" (drink, smoke pot, or take illegal drugs) to deal with all this - a path I'm grateful I did not choose as I watch other people deal with that choice.

Time for some rest for me it would seem.  Grateful I am already coming out of this state and already scheduled some leave starting at end of this work day for a week!

Happy Canada Day and July 4th in the U.S. to those who will celebrate this week!